Select three of the following attempted thesis statements.
Based on what you learned about thesis statements from the Thesis Statement Basics page, explain why the thesis statments are problematic or not as effective as they could be. Then revise the thesis statements so that they are more effective.
Pick three thesis statements that nobody else has answered yet.
1. My subject is the incompetence of Professor Joens.
2. The thesis of this paper is that it is difficult to solve our environmental problems.
3. In today’s society, child abuse is an awful thing.
4. The capital of Illinois is currently Springfield; at one time, it was Vandalia.
5. Many people were saddened by the space shuttle Columbia tragedy in February.
6. A seventeen inch computer monitor is easier to read than a fifteen inch monitor.
7. Life is a complicated endeavor but always a joy to experience.
8. The most important thing any maternal or paternal figure can do for human offspring is assist them in articulating the language messages they are likly to encounter in published works of literature; this is particularly important in the foundational years of existence before the offspring enters a formal educational environment.
9. Computers are found in a great many office, homes, and schools; in fact, most people expect that they will find computers in such places.
10. I have no idea whether or not Scott Peterson is guilty of murder; it’s too early to tell whether or not the state has strong evidence against him.
11. Gerbils are 72% cuter than hamsters.
12. Officials at the U.S. Department of Justice announced a few weeks ago that law enforcement officials should view with suspicion people who are seen carrying almanacs.
13. The music business is pretty complicated.
14. Southern Illinois University Edwardsville, Idaho State University at Boise, and Northern Florida University all have great majors available for students who wish to study the clasic films of Adam Sandler and Pauly Shore, two men who are underappreciated yet talented actors who both suffered broken arms before the age of ten while skateboarded (blindfolded) on ice as a result of accepting a dare from their older brothers.
15. Insurance companies are up to no good; it’s that simple.
16. People would be a lot happier if they tried to get along with their neighbors.
17. When I first got married, I used to cook three or four nights a week, but in more recent years my wife has ended up cooking dinner most nights.
A,B,and C are examples
A. Smoking damages the body.
A thesis statement is supposed to hook you in while projecting the main points. This statement is very vague. A better way to write it would be:
Revised: Lung cancer is one of the many ways smoking damages the body.
B. Who makes the important decisions in American cities?
This thesis statement is problematic because it asks a question and is not a statement.
Revised: Most decisions that are made in American cities have to get passed through congress. The president is just a figurehead of American cities.
C.I think that Smallville is probably a pretty innovative television show.
A thesis statement should not refer to the writer.
Revised: The television show Smallville uses very innovating visual effects and computer graphics.
