i am taking HIV/ADIS in modern society, we are asked to write a paper about one of the topics related to the class. i will attach it to the order. i did the first draft and my peer wrote me a feed back that i want you to see. my writing ability is weak.

 

1. Is your peer’s paper easy to read and well-organized? If yes, please explain. If no, please indicate what would improve readability.

 

I would personally have steered away from numbered points in the essay. Rather than structuring it in that way, I would suggest focusing on paraphrasing each point you have numbered. It is very easy to communicate the structure of points in the essay without having to stoop to visually conveying them in a sequential manner.

 

2. Are the content areas and descriptions clear and thorough? Could additional information be included?

 

The information is all there and relevant. Perhaps using some more clever, yet concise wording will create even more fluidity and clarity.

 

3. Could any of the content areas be written more concisely, or be expanded with more current global information? Explain.

 

Yes. I believe that there might be just a little more research to be done in order to truly conceptualize the topic and take into account any arguments or perspectives that might be relevant to the topic as well.

 

4. Is the paper complete and well written with proper grammar, citations and spelling? If yes, please comment further. If no, please explain what needs to be improved.

 

After revising the structure of the essay, you might need to lengthen it. I would double check all of your citing, make sure that it is cited correctly with in text citations and a reference page that is also properly formatted. Look up PurdueOWL to see proper templates for citations from different sources.

 

 

5. Are there any comments/feedback you have on your peer’s draft?

 

Try to find more opposing arguments and address them in your essay. It can only strengthen and solidify your thoughts and position. Proper headings and page formatting should align with APA guidelines.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comprehensive Sex Education Programs in School

 

As we all know nothing is really stable during development. Teenagers as an example once they turn into 16 years old they start to develop their own person, mind, and behavior. Their development process can be long with constantly shifting phases. Therefore, one of the helping factors for a right behavior is good sex education in schools. If teens want to have sex, they are going to regardless of what parents think of them. Accessing proper knowledge is the best way to protect younger generations from getting sexual transmitted diseases.

Comprehensive sex education in schools has so many advantages that help teens have a better understanding of sexual behaviors outcome. According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, ‘’ Research shows that well-designed and well-implemented HIV/STD prevention programs can decrease sexual risk behaviors among students’’. Three main advantages are:

1. Teaches school kids safety and precautions. Since females are more vulnerable to get sexual transmitted disease, they will be able to have sex responsibly by protecting themselves from getting pregnant. Which can happen by using birth controls.
2. These programs will stop parents from coming up with excuses as to why they shouldn’t educate their kids due to religious and conservative thinking.
3. Eliminate all the myths about sexual activities. As discussed in class, some groups of society may think that using two condoms when having sex is better than one. Its is not easy to know what is right and what is wrong about sexual behaviors. Therefore, education is the most effective way to increase our awareness, which is based on science.

Although there are lots of advantages of sex education to young generations in schools, there are some cons to this program

1. Teenagers can be over familiar with the body of the opposite sex, which encourage their likelihood to explore something different; sexual activities is a natural desire to human beings.
2. By getting the sex education children may turn into adults as an individual who is capable to do such a practice and can become a parent.
3. Some people claim that teaching sex educations at younger ages is technically pornography that children shouldn’t be exposed to.

In conclusion, Such a topic like educating sex to our children is a very controversial topic that is debatable till today. However, if we look around us for a second we can see how social media influences our teenagers negatively. Role models today aren’t like how they used to be in terms of their mind, appearance, and personality. These people who may encourage them to practice certain behaviors impact our teenagers.